My whole life I’ve felt compelled to be perfect, even though I don’t have to. I don’t have to be what everyone else tells me. I don’t have to have to become a writer if I don’t want to become a writer. I don’t have to go to college if I don’t want to go to college. If I want to dye my hair, I can do it. If I want to get a tattoo, then I can fucking do it. I don’t have to be a Christian just because my parents are Christians. If don’t want a church wedding, then I don’t have to have a fucking church wedding. I can make my own decisions and have my own beliefs. It’s my life. I don’t have to live up to be somebody else’s idea of perfection. I don’t belong to anybody else but myself. Nobody else but me is allowed to make any sort of decision about my life. It’s my body, my soul, my mind, and my own heart that is pumping blood through my veins and giving me life. I’m entitled to do whatever I want with my body because it’s my mine and only mine. I’m entitled to do whatever I want with my life because ultimately every decision I make will come back to me and affect me the most. I don’t have to live to up to society’s expectations. I have to live up to my own expectations. Do the things that make me happy, do the things that give me a sense of purpose, do the things that make me feel complete. I need to be my own idea of perfection. I should still listen to other people’s advice every now and then, because I’m just a humble human and I will never stop learning nor growing, but I should not strive to be like anyone else but myself. I should do what I want even if it isn’t what most people are doing. I should just be me. A unique, independent, strong, self-aware, intelligent, living breathing human being that has the whole world at their feet and endless possibilities as to what they could do with it.
i just feel like no matter how hard i try nobody is ever going to actually care about me. They may say they do but it will never feel real. I will never have a proper connection with someone because i always find a way to fuck things up. I open my mouth and everybody cringes. I don’t know what is wrong with me, i’m way too different and i fucking hate myself.